Own it.

Miss Independent

It seems to be the summer of break-ups for many of my female friends so I wanted to share some advice that helped me not long ago. The below link is from an article by Mary Darling Montero, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in life transitions and relationship issues.

You might have invested some major time and energy in a relationship but don’t allow that to define who you are now. Don’t regret or doubt the past because the same feelings are not present now.

From her July 16, 2010 article:

Setting and working towards personal goals not only increases your sense of independence because it’s inherently focused on self-improvement, it also distracts you from dwelling on a relationship breakup and it’s good for your brain because the sense of accomplishment accompanying meeting a goal can create positive chemical reactions in your brain which, in turn, can improve your mood.

So what’s the best way to go about setting and working towards a personal goal? Because we’re all different when it comes to organization and motivation, everyone will find approaches and tricks that work best for him or her, but here are some guidelines to get you started.

Decide on a long-term goal. Maybe it’s a specific goal, like getting into better shape or finishing an educational degree. Or perhaps it’s a general goal, like being more social or pursuing hobbies.

Brainstorm the first step. Some goal-setting advice tells you to map out all of the steps in achieving a goal so that you have a plan that will carry you from setting to achieving. If organization and motivation are among your strengths, this approach might work for you. If you’re caught up in heartbreak, on the other hand, and just getting through the day is a feat, try planning just the first step. Anything more can be overwhelming and the last thing we want is for you to feel discouraged about your goal before you even begin!

Don’t focus on the entire staircase—just the step in front of you. Once you’ve decided on a first step (for example, calling three gyms to ask about membership options or visiting your local community college’s website to research classes you might take to pursue hobbies), just focus on that. Once you’ve accomplished the first step, think about the next one and so on.

Make each step doable. Another common pitfall in goal setting is making steps towards the goal too ambitious. If you want to get into better shape and you start out with the intention of working out four days a week, you might feel disheartened right away if you only make it to the gym twice. Nothing zaps motivation faster than a sense of failure, so set yourself up for success. Start out with the intention of working out two days a week and build from there.

Remember the Two Fs: Be FLEXIBLE and FORGIVING. Even when you make steps towards a goal doable, there will times that you veer off track. Don’t beat yourself up about it! Remember that because you’re human you’re imperfect, and that you can start over right now. Obviously the cherry on the goal sundae is meeting the goal, but getting there is a process and unless you’re otherworldly that process is going to have its ups and downs.

Reward yourself. Accomplishing steps towards goals can be automatically rewarding because it can create those positive chemical reactions in the brain. But sometimes we need a little something extra to keep us motivated. Try rewarding yourself with something small (like a small purchase you’ve been thinking about) each time you achieve a step towards your goal.

A Rainy Day Treat

I had the rare opportunity to leave the office and have lunch today. We went to one of my favorite splurge-on-a-sandwich places, the Bowery Sandwich Shop, which is hidden inside Bowery Kitchen Supply Equipment. It might be my favorite store ever.  I loved eating lunch with someone special. It is usually an activity I do alone at my desk. 

They have a huge variety of cooking supplies at extremely reasonable prices and knife sharpening too!